I will…I wish…

i’m not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didnt do
but i continue learning. i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go, that i just want you to know

i’ve found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you

i’m sorry that i hurt, its something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through, i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears, thats why i need you to hear

i’m not a perfect person, i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go that i just want you to know

i’ve found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i’ve found a reason to show a side of me you didnt know
a reason for all that i do, and the reason is you – The Reason, Hoobastank

I will remember that I cried for her in the bathroom, with the shower open.

I will remember that I looked to the door everyday, until she entered the class room.

I will remember that I found her.

I will walk the streets with her memories.

I will remember that I wished her to walk by me, and listen to her stories.

I will remember to recollect every moment with her every morning.

I will cherish her memories like there is no tomorrow.

I wish to walk beside her sometimes.

I wish I was more perfect, smarter, sharper, intelligent, strong.

I wish I had a nicer face!

I wish I didn’t have ‘Super massive’ Love inside me.

I wish I could make a skydive.

I wish she didn’t turn her cellphone off.

I will remember we make choices to never look back.

I will remember that I AM IN LOVE!

 

Observations and stuff!

I saw a toddler today, playing with a toy bulldozer, on the street. The bulldozer was in pretty good shape. It was great, colorful and whatever a toy would should be good at. But this boy was not in a good shape, otherwise he wouldn’t be playing with that on the street. I wish we had camera in our eyes so that I could photograph some instants of my life without seeking the camera. Maybe that is every photographers dream.

Few days age a friend of mine told me what a perfectionist she was once upon a time, and how she somewhat lost it (I don’t believe that). I was amazed by her story! She is such a skilled person! Just as I Love her, I started to feel sometimes that I might not be an appropriate person for her, she deserves someone lot better and complete that me who can actually Love her. Sometimes that makes me so unhappy, I wish I could be that perfect in my principles and ways, and in what I do that I could near her. But flaws in my character are so deep that I am still trying to make myself more complete after 20 years of spending Life! She is so nice and yet so perfect in her ways; I never seen anyone like her. Whatever, I am so lucky that I met her!

I started to programme AVR microcontrollers. It was really very FUN! My friends really liked that I think. I enjoyed the compliments. But I wish they were more interest in doing some programming first hand. You can see my first project here.

“People like us don’t change, we either stay sharp or get sloppy” – Rusty, Ocean’s Eleven. I liked this quote very much. After very bad good awesome cool encounters with Life, I am what I am.

Cool AVRs!

These days it is I am spending my time with AVR microcontrollers. So no other thoughts are coming into my head these days. I am learning how to use it’s  features (e.g I/O, interrupts, ADC etc etc.). The twitter is the only thing I update these days!

Working Through Pain

Lt. James Gordon: [Batman's been bitten by Croc] Are you in pain?
Batman: I work through pain.

That was when Batman was attacked by some Killer Croc. Then came the episode ‘Working Through Pain’.

It is very powerful sensation!

Thoughts without conclusion and etc.

After a long time I am writing. Recently I have been experiencing some remarkable thoughts and events. I didn’t notice the events or thoughts starting it’s play or ending. I just had them, at the edges of consciousness.

1. Being myself! It became so apparent that I am me, and I cannot be someone else, I can never look into the universe with someone else’s eyes. I have to be me for the rest of my finite life. As child I often wondered how someone else was seeing something. Maybe it was just a more mature version.
2. I kept seeing programs, solving simple programming tasks. Sometimes the programming was getting related to Life, classes and objects related to reality! Something like Songs in Code.
3. I saw the dresses changing, changing without meaning. Colours of houses changing.
4. Duet of thoughts: I am in Love, I should not be in Love!
5. Saw a book full of poems or programs.
6. Wouldn’t it be great if she felt Love for me!?
7. How can all the Girl I felt Love for  didn’t feel anything special about me? Do I have to clear an ELT (Eligibility for Love Test)?
8. I saw a desert made of snow, with distant mountains, I thought I saw Kamet there.
9. I was playing a Guitar and a Piano.
10. I fell in LOVE! I was drowning until I went to sleep.
11. I noticed tears on my cheek.
12. I was handling a DSLR, taking photos randomly.
13. Entropy was going backwards, with a Guitar String.
14. I was like Clint Eastwood in The Good The Bad and The Ugly.
15. I was designing a fully fledged PC motherboard in some EDA software, which could read my thoughts route through multiple layers.

Another Brick in The Wall

…All in all it’s just another brick in the wall.
All in all you’re just another brick in the wall… – Another Brick in The Wall Part 2, Pink Floyd

Imprisoned!

I thought undergraduate days would be the best time of my life! Meeting new talented people, having a lot of FUN, doing stuff, building stuff, designing stuff! It was my dream, it died hard!

I tried to make people understand what it is meant to be a undergraduate, having all the FUN! But I was wrong, I didn’t realise everyone have their own way to have fun. I don’t blame them a bit, I was wrong I did!

Even now when I think I would go Solo, and make some progress, to enrich myself as a man, as an engineer, as a street side philosopher, I face some strange difficulties, which apparently is insurmountable. My engineering school just put me into this test.

I love a Girl (I Love her like Hell), who apparently doesn’t like me (And I fiercely hope that she likes me)! It is just not fair, is it? I fell in Love with about 3 Girls, who rocked my life! (Other crushes were insignificant). Am I a incompetent specimen for natural selection? I might be appearing sarcastic, maybe I am becoming such a person. I smile a lot nowadays, just force wash every such weeds out of my mind, they do retard me!

Clearly, all these are making me stronger (“Anything that won’t kill you will makes you stronger”). Prison always changes a man…

Silent Appreciation of Beauty

Some people like me think that giving too much attention to girls is not good, unlikely for a Geek. If a Geek is involved in observing a woman, how can he get on getting time for one of his megaprojects. This seems to be a very plausible explanation why Geeks shouldn’t fall in Love with manly beauty.

But what if a Geek doesn’t have a Megaproject in mind, like me?

Yeah! Then the woman becomes the megaMegaMEGAproject! Actually I ‘fell in love’ (Hypothetically), crushed (According to semi urban/urban lexicon) on a woman, who according to the ‘previous’ me is the most unique and woman I ever met. She has a subtle beauty.

I have been unknowingly becoming a kinda Study Man, who likes to study a lot! But with that, I was having a growing sense of a void. When I saw that little woman in ‘Saree’ yesterday, the void suddenly filled with strange  happiness, or it was numbness, I don’t know.

Yesterday was a fresher welcome party. She was there, directly involved in the event, wandering here and there on the stage, with some gifts and other stuff. Some white Saree she was wearing, which made her … (I don’t think my words are good enough to describe how she was yesterday). She also sang a song, in which she is really good at. It was a chorus unfortunately, and I strained my ears to almost it’s limits, to isolate her voice from the whole. But they were so perfectly synchronized I couldn’t really isolate them. I loved that she sang, I saw her singing in mild colourful light on stage. I missed a solo song she sang on our ‘Teacher’s Day’ last year. I regret that!

Later when the program was over, I wanted to meet her to make an appreciation of her beauty. But I didn’t… I silently appreciated her beauty.

Change You Mind

I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight