Another Brick in The Wall

…All in all it’s just another brick in the wall.
All in all you’re just another brick in the wall… – Another Brick in The Wall Part 2, Pink Floyd

Imprisoned!

I thought undergraduate days would be the best time of my life! Meeting new talented people, having a lot of FUN, doing stuff, building stuff, designing stuff! It was my dream, it died hard!

I tried to make people understand what it is meant to be a undergraduate, having all the FUN! But I was wrong, I didn’t realise everyone have their own way to have fun. I don’t blame them a bit, I was wrong I did!

Even now when I think I would go Solo, and make some progress, to enrich myself as a man, as an engineer, as a street side philosopher, I face some strange difficulties, which apparently is insurmountable. My engineering school just put me into this test.

I love a Girl (I Love her like Hell), who apparently doesn’t like me (And I fiercely hope that she likes me)! It is just not fair, is it? I fell in Love with about 3 Girls, who rocked my life! (Other crushes were insignificant). Am I a incompetent specimen for natural selection? I might be appearing sarcastic, maybe I am becoming such a person. I smile a lot nowadays, just force wash every such weeds out of my mind, they do retard me!

Clearly, all these are making me stronger (“Anything that won’t kill you will makes you stronger”). Prison always changes a man…

Silent Appreciation of Beauty

Some people like me think that giving too much attention to girls is not good, unlikely for a Geek. If a Geek is involved in observing a woman, how can he get on getting time for one of his megaprojects. This seems to be a very plausible explanation why Geeks shouldn’t fall in Love with manly beauty.

But what if a Geek doesn’t have a Megaproject in mind, like me?

Yeah! Then the woman becomes the megaMegaMEGAproject! Actually I ‘fell in love’ (Hypothetically), crushed (According to semi urban/urban lexicon) on a woman, who according to the ‘previous’ me is the most unique and woman I ever met. She has a subtle beauty.

I have been unknowingly becoming a kinda Study Man, who likes to study a lot! But with that, I was having a growing sense of a void. When I saw that little woman in ‘Saree’ yesterday, the void suddenly filled with strange  happiness, or it was numbness, I don’t know.

Yesterday was a fresher welcome party. She was there, directly involved in the event, wandering here and there on the stage, with some gifts and other stuff. Some white Saree she was wearing, which made her … (I don’t think my words are good enough to describe how she was yesterday). She also sang a song, in which she is really good at. It was a chorus unfortunately, and I strained my ears to almost it’s limits, to isolate her voice from the whole. But they were so perfectly synchronized I couldn’t really isolate them. I loved that she sang, I saw her singing in mild colourful light on stage. I missed a solo song she sang on our ‘Teacher’s Day’ last year. I regret that!

Later when the program was over, I wanted to meet her to make an appreciation of her beauty. But I didn’t… I silently appreciated her beauty.

Change You Mind

I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight

All these good times!

The recent fever is actually helped me. It gave me some time in bed, alone with me, awake.

Most of the time I though about women, two in particular. I found something new…

When I was younger, I tried to use Bayesian probability theories to predict if some girl would like me or not. Ironically probability was never 1, and no Girl ever thought that I was cool enough to hang out with. Most of the prediction models were based on very simple logic that is sometimes used by ‘Love Guru’s, which I listened to carefully, just to make up some mathematical probability model for Hooking up. It makes me laugh these days, although I did get a pretty good understanding of probability and statistical data visualization.

I have had enough crushes, not enough for making a mathematical model, but still enough to predict time evolution of the next one.

I have had enough crushes, not enough for making a mathematical model, but still enough to predict time evolution of the next one.

During the fever I had a very very different kind of model to make. I never thought I gad to face such a thing. It is the most strangest model I ever had to try to build. I crushed to two, they overlapped on time frame. Though my ‘exceptional’ previous experience say that none of them likes me; That’s 100% sure (Deep inside my heart, I do hope for the opposite… XD). But what should what would I do if I had to choose between them. That was my latest brush with probability, after all the probability studies in college.

But is has a flip side, just as we don’t have such an advanced alien mathematics, I can have a good time, dreaming great dreams and live a life so thrilling!

My recent studies about human evolution and how can it explain our choice or partners were not really helpful at all. I cannot blame the scientists for that. The society is too much complex for traditional logical and reasoning techniques. I think we need some new more efficient mathematics for this. But is has a flip side, just as we don’t have such an advanced alien mathematics, I can have a good time, dreaming great dreams and live a life so thrilling!

Wordle!

This is the Wordle of my blog. I discovered it (Wordle) pretty recently. It is a great new idea…