Sometimes…

Sometimes truth is not good enough…

Sometimes the whole heart is just a pump pressing blood to the corners of the body…

Sometimes the world is not enough…

Sometimes, a very vague form of pain can inflict so much pain, you go numb after a few hours. It’s like a spike! Luckily your mind is intelligent enough to suppress any kind of sense that might destroy you.

The very sense of existence seems to flutter with such infliction of pain. A primitive form of expressions would be like, “You ripped my heart off!”, but I would say it’s a mere reminder that consciousness is nothing but neurons talking to themselves. When you go way too numb your mental senses attain heights that negate every emotions that might cause biased self-understanding; It reminds me that anything happens in my brain (in my mind) can never influence anything unless we use language and limbs. Maybe that’s why language evolved and developed it’s own intricacies. But unfortunately, I am in a strange and extremely viscous society which continuously kills information and cause misunderstanding so vague, I can never see truth in its true form. And the viscous effects are so into me, I might never be able to get out of it.

It all came in with a request. A request of partial isolation for mutual betterment. And I am never to know the reasons. And then only reason I was showed; I was not even sure if they were true. I shot out rhetoric phrases. But they were way inappropriate at the time of the incident.

I was afraid that I would lose my composure. On my way home on my bicycle, I ignored the taunt a guy gave me, to race. I was holding the handle so hard I could merely turn. I was afraid of my eyes getting hazy with tears. Then I had a shower, washed my sorrow a little bit. Had a little lunch, got heavier. Played games a little, to vent sorrow through hard keyboard tapping. I was wrong. Then I took a nap. Got a little lighter. Now after a few hours, I am writing this blog, trying to maintain composure.

The haze is still hitting hard. I will try not to muse it over much. Let’s just keep it inside.

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