When we chat, I am more than happy. But sometimes when there is a gap between texts or some text indicating inappropriateness, I am afraid that I might have done something wrong or said something wrong. This very intrinsic fear chase me until the next text comes.
During a long gap between texts, my heart starts to pound so hard I feel I can barely contain it inside. But then it all come rushing to happy stability when her next text comes. 🙂
I am amazed by the delicate balance that I have in my emotional machineries. A simple and small nudge can throw the state high, hellishly fluctuating. Even when I feel that there might be a problem, like cellphone turned off or no credit in cellphone, my emotion fail to control itself under the stable boundaries.
While examining the reason and consequence of this I get some plausible points;
- I will get used to it, as I will be getting to know her well enough, I realise she understands me well enough.
- It’s an subconscious attempt of my mind to give her the best of myself.
- When this happens, I badly feel pain.