I am sorry. I never should have told you all that I told you. I never even realized that it would make things worse, not good. I never meant to hurt you the way I did the very last days, when I thought you did love me. If you ever receive this letter, that means you do have access to the internet, and you might be tempted to read the blog of mine and see the outbursts that occurred. I was so bad with emotions, I never did realize what I was really missing. So, if you ever read that blog of mine, you may get upset, but please don’t be.
Ice creams, chocolates, MENTOS you don’t like. Cigarettes is something that you really hate. These are the things that reminds me most of you. I miss you, and I will be missing you. I am rejected but I am still in Love. I smoke now only to remind me of the days of the fifth semester. It’s the closest I can get to you these days, with a cigarette. But don’t worry, I won’t smoke after I mail this letter.
When I was a college freshman, I crushed over a girl who promptly rejected me. Same thing happened when I was a high school senior. And the crushes before; no one ever knew I had them. But you, my friend, were not a crush.
You see, I used to dream. But dreams are liable to break, aren’t they? I was a fool not to accept that fact. I was used to be with you, so when that changed, something stirred. Yes, it was painful, but damn me, I never realized that your pain was fundamentally greater than what I was experiencing. I never did realize what you were going through.
Many many thanks to a friend of mine, who made me think it your way. What you were experiencing, was far more painful, that I know now. And you see, I want to say sorry for that. I have hurt you a lot unknowingly. They say the only you should say sorry to the one you have hurt unknowingly. I think for me, it’s you. And I am sorry for that.
I hope one day, you will be free from the shackles from the pain you have. I hope, when that day comes, I might be able to win your heart. Even if I don’t win your heart, I can surely say that the man who gets your heart, is among the luckiest person in the world. I do hope that man is me. You see, hope is a good thing, and a good thing never dies. I do hope that one day, I will see you happy and free from the pain you have.
Are you thinking that I am crying while I am writing this letter? No, I am smiling actually.
Want to know why I am smiling? Because I am thanking you for the things that you made me to think about. The faith you instilled on me. You always said, “You got to believe in something!?”. I think I found what I need to believe in. Thanks a lot.
And my readers, you might be very eager to know why I wrote this thing and made in public in my blog, or maybe not. Well, my friends, I just know that you got to have faith in something, you got to believe in something, what ever it is, otherwise you are liable to lose focus. This letter, and all the posts that I have written earlier was practically, outbursts of my anger and hatred towards life that I had for a few days. But with this letter, I want you to know that it is possible to have faith in yourself in dire times. I don’t believe in God. But I won’t disagree with the fact that I wished to pray once, once I lost all meanings of life temporarily. But this was necessary, as Steve Jobs once said in Stanford commencement address in 2005, “…it was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it…” I thank her for the turn of events that made me realize what I need to do and what I really love.