I talked with her, fought with her, tried to get logical answers to an unreasonable problem. The truth is I am rejected in Love. And not only I am rejected, I lost the only reason I went to college everyday. I cannot be with her. She doesn’t like it. She likes to be alone. I don’t like to be alone.
It’s very hard these days. No matter how hard I try to get over all this I fall under, and I fall hard. Maybe it’s just Love that is not letting me get out of it, or maybe it is just me not trying hard enough.
She said, she suffered too, and maybe more. So it’s no use being like this. I really don’t want to think over this matter. Why set examples with sufferings? Maybe I am just different. Maybe I have more Love inside me than she had. I don’t know. I just know that I cannot control myself this time.
It feels as if I am locked inside a dark room where I cannot stand up or sit down. I am listening to a lot of music, just to make myself light. It’s not enough. Everyone seems too far away. Everything seems pointless. I would really be glad if this is a dream and I would wake up any day now, see her sitting beside me. If I can only love her in my dreams, so be it, I will just keep daydreaming.
And she is worried because a handful of people question her immaculateness. The best solution was to destroy my character and give her an edge of respect among people. Just as it is said, “So sacrifice, no victory”. But she doesn’t like the solution. Why cannot she just accept viable solutions to problems?
Whatever, I am falling apart.