At 1.20AM I just had a thought of reviving this blog. I thought I would let this blog die out. But after a few months, this urge to write hit me. And I am quite happy with the fact that my thinking is quite right again. It’s not getting convolved with other saddening memories that I have in my brain archives, trying to burn them at the first opportunity. I am quite sure I am all right now because, few days ago, I crumpled a piece of paper which used be a tack of memory of her handwriting, and threw it into the bin.
I am worried to the core these days. Worried about the career that I am going to choose. In fact I cannot even choose a single one, because I like so many stuff. I love stuff! I love photography, I love graphic design and I also don’t want to leave academia. I love academia. And my academic training is not merely close to the stuff I love. I love trotting here and there too (and wonder if this can be my earning somehow). This also has a silver lining. If I cannot get into one thing, I can do the other thing. That’s quite relieving.
Organization is one thing that I lost after she broke my heart, and I cannot get organized these days. It was sort of my second nature at some point of time. Being organized is somewhat essential these days. It promotes a very specific type of efficiency. It doesn’t directly promote creativity, but being absent minded like the creative people of the olden days, is not really a good idea in 2011. As this stage, creating something can be a quite complex process, as our brain needs to handle other basic tasks at parallel (according to the lifestyle these days). Organization increases efficiency. Thus I am trying to become organized. Organization needs nerves, I have plenty of that, enough for organization.
And I believe organization will help me find more projects for me to keep me busy in the coming days.
I was thinking of changing this all-PC lifestyle and reading some books. I noticed when I am not directly working on a project, I usually waste time in front of the PC looking at the facebook homepage all the time. I picked up this book called WATER by Julian Caldecott. It’s about the water crisis and how-to-prevent-it. After reading a few pages, it struck me suddenly, that I don’t read fiction these days and I cannot think of story books too. It’s like my brain is full of logic and stuff that matters to the world (not to me).
I like to program. It’s something that I can relate to poetry. Programming is actually to thoughts on paper is a certain form. If you look at someone else program, you get lost in his/her thought, and it’s easy to lose control of your thoughts. Happens to me all the time, that’s why I hate to check other people’s program. Better I do that program myself.
That’s all about revising my ‘recent’ life. I will be writing on this blog, starting from today. I had to fill up some form, which didn’t happen because I was writing this post. Don’t blame me, please, it’s my sudden urge to get back in line again. Getting back in line is not a binary process, it’s somewhat continuous, and takes time. In my case, it was made hell-lot-easy by my friends. I could list them, but in fear of omitting someone accidentally I refrain myself from making the list. Thank you all!