It’s been more than an year since my crash. It was a trauma like no other. Still, thanks to my friends I recovered. And I recovered well until I pondered over the question “What actually is recovery?”. Is it about attaining the state that was before the flight? Or is it about pretending that the flight never happened and it never did crash. If it is the the second one then I have recovered quite good. But what if it’s the first one that I am trying to attain? Or what if in reality I am trying to merge these two types of recoveries?
It’s time I think I should I realize that strength is nothing but how well I hide my pain. (Yeah, it’s a quote I stole from a popular cellphone wallpaper). I can never recover, no one really can. No matter how hard you try to promise yourself new habits, no matter how your life changes, no matter how much you write about recovery, some amount just seeps out through the cracks.
During the time after the crash, I met new girls, felt their company, yearned for their company and have their company. Life is ought to very good now. But it’s not. Jealousy rears it’s ugly head! Doubts overflow the stack! And heart just doesn’t seem to work like it did before!
Yes, it’s time I realize that there is no point in trying to go back to the start, that’s impossible. Maybe all I can do is pretend that it never happened and keep licking from the seeping crack until I get to the shore of the next ocean (Good thing hope never dies). Believe me, licking from the seeping crack is better than nicotine, way better.
And the best part about all these, no matter how hard I lick the seeping crack, I just cannot yearn for the time before the crash. Maybe this is what they exactly call MOVING ON.