Acute Soul Sickness. I got this word from the game SuperBrothers – Sword and Sorcery. The game is superb. But that is not exactly the reason why I am writing this post.
This post is about the Sickness. I think I found the exact word for my sickness. It’s a acute soul sickness. As a matter of fact, this may sound uncommon, but it’s actually a pretty common sickness these days. I see a lot of people having a soul sickness. It’s not acute for most of them, but there are acute cases too, relatively rare.
The answer to the question “what is soul sickness?” or “what are the symptoms of soul sickness?” is probably self explanatory, so I will just skip that part. Lets, umm, talk about my sickness. We will start by reflecting on my life. I am a web-developer. I write code, wrangle code and try to be poetic about writing code all the time. Being poetic about code, I will write it somewhere else sometimes. I do travel, I like to travel, I like outdoors and I also like to photograph stuff. Other than that I have a tendency to be logical and rational and traditionally scientific about almost everything. And I also indulge drawing and reading etc. I do have a expansive set of reading, mostly non-fiction, which helps my tendency to be geeky at times. Other than that I a lot of stuff that gives me pleasure. My problem is I don’t have a girlfriend. I lost the shyness in talking fresh and straight a while ago. So I admit pretty easily I am tremendously frustrated regarding the romantic side of my life, which is stale and empty and always have a imaginary character involved. I also admit if I were a 100% pure outdoors person, I might not be as frustrated as I am now.
After reading the previous passage I think you have an idea of me as a person. Now I am going tell you how I am dealing with this problem and how I came to the solution. First of all, there are no solutions. I just live with it, but the thing that is worth mentioning is that I simply accepted it. Irony was that I had to pretend that I am cool in hope that someone might turn up and accept me (I am talking about a girlfriend). And then through pretending I realized something a while back. Something stark hit me while recollecting some conversations with some of my friends, acquaintances etc. A lot of people after going through some relationship hitches change themselves deliberately or keeps trying to change themselves to someone who doesn’t really care about being with a person of opposite sex. The thing that hit me was “Why give up hope?”. I think I have the best solution for my sickness. The very best ever. It’s a matter of choice, regarding how you choose to live your life.
I simply keep up my hopes, and I keep falling in love, I be optimistic, I do stupid things. Sure it’s somewhat painful sometimes, but I am pretty sure I will be able to love a woman one day. That’s one-of-a-kind bad-ass if you ask me! 🙂